There are many categories of making out actually. Your two very own super experienced guides will give you the categories of the WRONG TYPES of making out.
The Washing Machine
Sayuri: Okay guys, be honest. How many of you just stick your tongue in there and go -swirlswirlswirl-
This is supposed to be passionate people, not washing your underwear! Don't lick the bowl like a dog. Bleh!
Mimi: If I needed my tongue spin-dried I'll go to a laundromat. Snogging is not just using your tongue as a windmill, dude!
The Vacuum Cleaner
Sayuri: == This one is a very common mistake to make. You just suck face like a fish. I mean, seriously. RELAX. Just enjoy the sensation. You're not trying to swallow their tongue. You only need one tongue anyways.
Mimi: Om. Nom nom. Nom nom nom. We are battling tongues, not trying to CONSUME each other's. XD The term 'suck face' is not entirely literal unless you plan to vacuum your partner's insides into yourself.
The Baseball Bat/Flyswatter
Sayuri: *cough* Many guys like to do this. Girls also SOMETIMES. You start off nice, a bit of snogging, then you press your tongue in. We reach in deeper to create a more sensual feeling then suddenly...
*BATS AWAY*
And he scores a home base!!!
This isn't baseball people! Don't go wriggling your tongue around and trying to play hockey. That's just not that cool ;)
Mimi: Snogging's also called tonsil hockey though.. but this one would be miles and miles away from the goal. We're slipping your tongue in and trying to reach more and get in deep and your tongue is like DERP NO ENTRY DERP -swat swat swat-
Talk about mixed signals. ;(
The Blind Man Trying to Have Sex
Sayuri: Never tried doing that before but I can guess how it might turn out. *poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke* Excuse me. This isn't a game of darts. Do it SLOWLY, not jab it in and out. That's for something else to do xD
Mimi: What do you try to reach here? XD It's like constant jabbing going prod prod prod prod prod tooth exam prod prod prod prod prod. Unless your goal was to stab at my tongue until I could fit a piercing or two in it...
no.
..just no. xDD
The Spittle Game
Sayuri: Ever had that one awkward moment where it's like...
*snog snog snog*
*pull away*
*strand of spit connects*
Both: .....
You: So erm.. you gonna get that?
The way to not get that... is by not doing the next mistake
Mimi: Sort of like Lady And The Tramp and the spaghetti scene except a little more watery and gross. Especially 'cause when it happens you have no idea what to do with it.
The Flood
Sayuri: Okay i'm sure that Africa is suffering water issues but your partner is not. You do NOT need to choke him/her with your spit flooding in their mouth. They don't want to drink spit okay x.x Come on!
Mimi: I have enough amylase in my mouth, but thank you for sharing yours? Watch the floodgates people, unless you have a bucket ready to spit into after each kiss. Which kinda kills the passion, because people usually spit after doing other things. O.o
The Catch
Sayuri: When people with two braces kiss... funny things tend to happen
Mimi: Funny..awkward things.
'Maaaahhhhm....haaaalp'
The Smelly Fish
Sayuri: Ahem. There is something called breath mints. Sometimes right after a meal, snogging isn't the best idea. I mean, you want your partner to taste the salted sea beam you just ate? Try some gum (with flavour is nice), some sweets or just a mint. Tic tac recommended.
Mimi: I cannot imagine a snog right after someone has eaten blue cheese.
Protip: If you just ate something that smells like something that recently died, your partner will not like it.
Unless he/she likes blue cheese, then I have nothing to say.
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