Hurt.

I hide my soul from searching eyes,

I whisper my words to avoid lies,

I weep in silence and cry in fear,

Just to veil my thousand tears.

I break the truth and hold it apart,

mimicking the jagged lines running down my heart,

allow the hail and allow the rain,

to drench me in my bitter pain.

First Impressions

Can mislead
Can bring false hopes
Can fool

"Beware of first impressions that are like beautiful flowers; As time goes by, it wilts and dies."

My respect for him has totally wilted into nothing ever since.
So much for nice guy impressions.

I want nothing to do with whiny girly guys with big ass egos.

Attempts to be nice were thrown back in my face.

MY GUITAR HATES YOU TOO.

Why?

So many questions I want to ask you...

If i'm such a burden to you, why do you keep talking to me? Why do you keep whispering sweet words to me? Why do you keep giving me hopes that things will get better? Why do you make me wish that I was the one by your side? Why do you always make me smile, laugh and yet why can you make me cry so easily?

Why do I feel this way?

Why can't i just forget you, like i've forgotten the other hundred of them who tried? Why can't I get the thought of u out of my head? Why can't i be able to just let go of the idea of you? Why am I so confused? Why am I so vulnerable around you, so weak and helpless? Why can't I just be strong and keep my mask on around you like I do around others?

Why do I keep asking questions when I know I won't get any answers?

Why?

Tears are simply that.

Each single teardop holds a part of me,
watch it roll down my face and shatter,
as it hits the hard ground of reality,
into a thousand glittering pieces.

For such beauty is not easily found,
Yet it is easily made when one is hurt,
Their hearts wrenched open by the cruel twist
of human emotions.

Such a weak, fragile heart that I have,
Easily ripped and fitted back together,
Like a jigsaw puzzle,
Yet the puzzle is never complete.

Each tear drop is a piece of the puzzle,
And the more I cry,
The more pieces I lose,
And it's impossible to fix me back together again.

Wipe my tears away and pick up my pieces,
Put me back together again.
Though that day is far away and I have long to wait,
I hope that your heart isn't too far from mine.

Each dream, fractures upon hitting reality and
Tears are simply that.

Open old wounds.

Dear Romeo,

It hurt when you stabbed me in the chest.

It really did,

from the moment when your words,

sharp piercing words,

buried themselves into my weak,

my dull and breaking heart.

I smile with no emotion,

as i feel no emotion.

Just another empty body,

with the soul left in the dark.

Yet i'm not dead,

because if i was dead,

I wouldn't feel the pain.

The pain keeps me alive,

for just a little longer.

So go on Romeo, keep stabbing.

Keep plunging into this fragile heart of mine,

until you're satisfied.

Until you're not angry anymore,

because I won't break down so easily.

Wounds heal,

and you open old wounds as I nurse the new.

Yet I'm still alive.

Alive, just so that you can stab at my heart again.

Right here, right here,

X marks the spot.

Love, Juliet

Conversation between a man and his penis.

Man: Oh wow, you're pretty-

Dick: OH HELLO I'D LIKE TO BONE YOU TONIGHT

Man: H-hey! Shut up! No, no, please, I'm not a jerk I swe-

(The door slams, and Man slumps on a chair, dejected.)

Man: It's all your fault! I finally find a girl that appeals to me and-

Dick: You wanted some tail.

Man: NO! I could've totally made that work.

Dick: You'd forget her name by tomorrow morning.

Man: What makes you think I would? I'm not THAT shallow!

Brain: I don't remember taking part in that conversation.

Man: Whose side are you on here?

Brain: Not my fault I got left out, y' know.

(Another woman passes by)

Man: Oh wow, you're pretty-

Cat and Mouse

Sometimes people just don't get it.

They don't understand why we do the things we do.

They don't understand why we "play" with boys.

It's not because we're bored, or just looking for fun (though we seem like it)

It's for revenge.

Boys always and will always have only one thing on their minds

SEX

Yes, guys usually think with their dicks first.
(Dick: HELLO)

What guys can easily mistake for "love" is actually just lust.

They just like to fool themself into thinking that they actually care.

But they don't.

All Most of them.
They just want a piece of ass.
(or just anything they can fuck really. I mean, get them some beer, you might see a poor guy on a tree humping away.)


And you wonder why I think Jennifer's body is actually a good film? It highlights the right and wrong points about life.


WRONG
Fuck a guy and be the most popular slut in school
RIGHT
Seduce a guy and eat him.


Veli good, veli good.

.

and every word he says cuts deep

and my heart says hello to gravity and meets the floor

f i l t h y

Danger games

And sometimes I go to quite..unconventional lengths, trying to find him.

Man that isn't just all hands and no heart

I'm wondering and waiting and filling my days with company hoping it's not more than just a pipe dream, what I'm looking for

And I'll give up all my childish games and cruel teasing for him when I know it's the right one.

Sloppy kisses and sprawling hands and people saying 'I love you' but I know it's all

Lust and what they actually mean is 'I want you'

Underestimating who I am and I laugh off their shallow affection

Thinking about the days till I could possibly have...you

?

Ghost in my heart.

I breathe on the frosty window and draw a little heart in the mist,

and I watch it fade away.

Then I do it again.

I listen to love songs on my ipod and no matter how many times I press next,

it won't shuffle to a different type of song.

It's like my ipod is echoing my heart.

I press the keys on my piano and try to sing the note,

but my voice is too high, too low, too imperfect.

Too imperfect for you.

I pluck dandelions and pick off the petals one by one,

he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not.

And I let the dandelion fall to the ground amongst it's fallen petals.

I pick up my phone and wonder if I should call you,

I press call but I hang up when you say "hello".

And I watch as my phone plays your ringtone and i look at your face on my screen.

I watch you log onto msn and I say hi,

but it's not too long before you have to go again and I break down.

The distance between us is just too far away.

At night I call out your name with an aching heart,

I try to clasp the ghost of your warm hand as I fall asleep.

With the ghost of your kiss upon my lips.

(Dedicated to all the couples out there who are seperated by one way or another: Distance, Parents etc)

Theory on X

Whenever your ex-boyfriend talks to you, you can't help but think he sounds like a whiny GIRL.
Like he's loaded up with X-chromosomes all of a sudden, and now they drown his Y-chromosome.
So now instead of it being read as XY, its now XXXXXXXX SEX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (times infinity)


Maybe thats why they're called EX's.

8D *ninja's way out of incoming ex-boyfriend bricks*

Mimi: Fun fact: All babies were girls before the Y chromosome kicked in. Seems like after breakups they revert back to that state LOL.

Bella: Oh and also, do you ever wonder why he talks about pretty girls to you now? To get you jealous. Simple tip- Just shrug and say something like "oh okay gd for u. brb zack[or what is a good guy name] is calling. You won't believe it, he's got the most amazing body and personality. Anyway brb." AND IGNORE HIM. Trust me, he'll go nuts ;P

Another date

You're standing there.

I see you and my heart is a flutter of heartbeats, each beat matching my breathing, beat for breath...

I can feel it thumping, the thunder inside my chest... the constant feeling of my heart hitting my ribs.

You walk towards me, slowly, as though savouring the moment of it.

I blush and turn away, afraid of not being what you expected.

Smiling, you take my hand.

"Shall we go?"

"Yes..."

Just let me breathe

The world needs to shut up. They're not the only ones with problems in life, y'know.
/hypocrisy+procrastination

Did you mean it?

When you said that you could forget me so easily?

Look past the times we spent together. The times we held hands, embraced and kissed under the rain? 

The times when we faced the world together, danced, sang and laughed?

The times when we cried, fought, yelled at each other?

Is it really that easy? To erase everything about me. The thoughts of me, the memories of how we met, what we've been through and more? Did you mean it when you said you could forget me just like that? 

Is really that easy to forget the times we both said "I love you"

Well lucky you,

Because I don't think I can ever forget.

Change.

Change is hard.

I used to think it was easy.

Just slip on a new mask and it's done.

But I ran out of masks to slip on and wear,

so I can't do anything much than to force myself,

to go through the painful process of changing for you,

but it's difficult, painful. I try & try but nothing seems

to be right and it hurts even more when I

fail, when you tell me that it's not

good enough for you and when

you say that I don't care 

enough about you

because i do

care.

Or else why would I be crying?

let's slow the evening down

we are one, tonight ♥

every night i imagine our hands curling together and i'll rest my head in that gentle curve between your neck and your shoulder.

maybe you'll laugh at my pathetic attempt at romance de amor on my guitar and i throw a pillow at you from my bed.

hold my fingers as i complain they're all sore and pink and offer to kiss them better. hug me tight from behind as i decipher music notes little by little and clumsily pluck them out on my strings.

i pluck my guitar strings, you toy with my heartstrings.

and i'll keep imagining it and hope it'll come true.

Rainbows and butterflies

I'm afraid of love.

Yet i love deeply.

I'm afraid of failure.

Yet i keep on failing.

I'm afraid of death.

Yet I welcome the idea of it.

I'm afraid of pain.

Though I keep on hurting.

I'm afraid of the dark.

And I refuse to walk to the light.

I'm afraid of losing people.

So I always keep loosing myself.

I'm afraid of revealing too much.

Yet i can't stop myself.

I'm afraid of dark secrets.

So I make up my own.

I'm afraid of myself.

But all these little imperfections, are what makes myself me.

It's hard to change these things


A f t e r a l l

We can't all be rainbows and butterflies.

My words make no sense

But you read them anyway.

My drawings are just scribbles;
yet people look at them.


I'm not an emo kid, but here I am, making my first post sound emo.
Hee.

Once in a while I'll most probably put up a doodle and dump in random comments, because my writing isn't as great as the other two awesome people.


So hang tight. The next post will have a doodle.
I promise :D

This is but the beginning ♥.

Thanks much.

"When you turn 18, I don't give a fuck what you do but right now, you'll listen to everything I say. You have NO SAY in anything! You hang out with who I tell you to hang out with, you're never contacting that girl Jessica again and you'll get all A's for your exam. If you keep arguing with me, I'm stopping your pocket money and I'll starve you until you listen to me!"

Thanks dad. I appreciate all that you do for me.

Days gone without food: 2

Last forever

I had a dream last night.

&

It was about y o u again.

 It was about me and you, as though we were actually together and alone. I was in your car and we drove through the city, stopping at a mall to go walking, shopping, talking and watched a movie. I didn't pay attention to the movie. I was too distracted by your arm around my shoulders, holding me close to you. I listened to your heartbeat as I lay my head against your chest. I looked at you. You smiled and asked if everything was okay. I didn't dare to close my eyes in case I woke up. I didn't want to wake up.

A ramble down.

I wish you could see me...

Wandering alone in the darkness,

Internal darkness binds me to the earth.

Search for me, reach out to me, touch my forever beating,

Heart.

You're the only one who could do that,

Only you can set me free from this curse set down,

Upon me.

Can a dream such as that one be true?

Only time will tell so I wait for the story to slowly, painfully,

Unfold in front of me.

Losing my mind is one thing,

Death is another.

Let me guide your way to me,

Over here, over here my love.

Vengeance is nothing, if not time wasted,

Eternity with you, is just time taken for granted.

Memories with you, is a treasure that is not found, but made,

Endings are only just beginnings.

Insight.

I discovered a lot of times that I cry when I speak my mind.

Maybe it's from years of keeping quiet, because my thoughts were too strange, or too complicated, or too..unbelievable that someone like me could think that much.

Maybe it's from years of having it frequently thrown back in my face, and I have to bite it back and force a smile out of myself.

Smile, woman, smile.

It's embarrassing when I do need to speak my mind. It's funny how I even came to my solution in the first place.

I had a book about fairies, of course fictional unless someone was smoking pot and still coherent enough to write something worth publishing.

"Fairies can't lie, but they get past this by not telling the entire truth, that's all."

I do speak my mind now, don't get me wrong.

My solution was to make anything I'd have to say about my own feelings, or what was possibly eating me up inside (not literally!) as cryptic as possible.

My train of thought was..if the person's worth the effort, hopefully they'll put some effort into digging deeper at what I've said, in all my subtlety, and if they get the message at the end of the day..

Maybe all the affection and effort will be worth it, right?

The front I keep, my reputation as a sarcastic bitch or a tease when it comes to men, it's just a convenient way to find the flowers from the weeds, and hopefully avoiding being scratched by the thorns while I'm at it.

In all honesty if it sounds a lot of work just to avoid being hurt or shamed, that's just how I've learned to cope.

At the end of the day it's all down to reading between the lines.

Wishes.

I wish you were smarter

I wish you were prettier

I wish you were taller

I wish you were cuter

I wish you were nicer

I wish you were cooler

I wish you got top marks

I wish you made friends that I choose

I wish more boys liked you

I wish you'd be the best in your school

I wish you were a better daughter

I'm sorry Mum.

I wish that I could be everything for you but sometimes...

Wishes just don't come true.

like raindrops

Your kisses are like

r a i n d r o p s

falling

d

o

w

n

upon my face

like tears of joy.

But i know the rain won't last forever.

Parodie

A silly parody of Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines, originally a Spanish poem by Pablo Neruda. Because i write too much emo. XD

Tonight I can write the gladdest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is complete,

and the blue stars shimmer in the distance.'

The night wind dances in the sky and sings!

Tonight I can write the gladdest lines.

I love him, and he whispers, "I love you too."

Through nights like this one I held him in my arms.

I kissed him again and again under the endless sky.

He loved me, and I whispered, "I love you too."

How could one not have loved his great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the gladdest lines.

To think that I have him. To feel that I have found him.

To hear the immense night, even more so with him!

Our verse falls to the soul like snowflakes in winter.

Such a matter that my love could keep him.

The night is complete and he is in my heart.

Ah, but there's more! In the distance, we are singing. In the distance.

My soul is in rapture, it has found him.

My sight searches for him, to go to him.

My heart need not look for him, our souls are entwined.

The same nights whiten the same trees.

We, of that time, have grown for the better.

Tremendously, I love him, that's certain, but how much I love him!

The wind catches my voice and touches his hearing.

Mine. He will be mine, unlike my kisses before.

His voice. His bright body. His infinite eyes.

Wholeheartedly I love him, that's certain, and how much I love him!

Love is so short, the chase far too long.

Because through nights like this one he held me in his arms

my soul is fulfilled for it has finally found him.

Let this be the first joy, for he has me enraptured

let these first verses I write never fade nor wither.

note: please take all I write in jest, don't sue me. :D;;;;

Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines (c) Pablo Neruda

I DO NOT CLAIM ANY OWNERSHIP ON THE ORIGINAL POEM this parody is just me being silly.


Bella: Dedicated to Jessica and Rick

A virgin's guide to making out

There are many categories of making out actually. Your two very own super experienced guides will give you the categories of the WRONG TYPES of making out.

The Washing Machine

Sayuri: Okay guys, be honest. How many of you just stick your tongue in there and go -swirlswirlswirl-

This is supposed to be passionate people, not washing your underwear! Don't lick the bowl like a dog. Bleh!

Mimi: If I needed my tongue spin-dried I'll go to a laundromat. Snogging is not just using your tongue as a windmill, dude!

The Vacuum Cleaner

Sayuri: == This one is a very common mistake to make. You just suck face like a fish. I mean, seriously. RELAX. Just enjoy the sensation. You're not trying to swallow their tongue. You only need one tongue anyways.

Mimi: Om. Nom nom. Nom nom nom. We are battling tongues, not trying to CONSUME each other's. XD The term 'suck face' is not entirely literal unless you plan to vacuum your partner's insides into yourself.

The Baseball Bat/Flyswatter

Sayuri: *cough* Many guys like to do this. Girls also SOMETIMES. You start off nice, a bit of snogging, then you press your tongue in. We reach in deeper to create a more sensual feeling then suddenly...

*BATS AWAY*

And he scores a home base!!!

This isn't baseball people! Don't go wriggling your tongue around and trying to play hockey. That's just not that cool ;)

Mimi: Snogging's also called tonsil hockey though.. but this one would be miles and miles away from the goal. We're slipping your tongue in and trying to reach more and get in deep and your tongue is like DERP NO ENTRY DERP -swat swat swat-

Talk about mixed signals. ;(

The Blind Man Trying to Have Sex

Sayuri: Never tried doing that before but I can guess how it might turn out. *poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke* Excuse me. This isn't a game of darts. Do it SLOWLY, not jab it in and out. That's for something else to do xD

Mimi: What do you try to reach here? XD It's like constant jabbing going prod prod prod prod prod tooth exam prod prod prod prod prod. Unless your goal was to stab at my tongue until I could fit a piercing or two in it...

no.

..just no. xDD

The Spittle Game

Sayuri: Ever had that one awkward moment where it's like...

*snog snog snog*

*pull away*

*strand of spit connects*

Both: .....

You: So erm.. you gonna get that?

The way to not get that... is by not doing the next mistake

Mimi: Sort of like Lady And The Tramp and the spaghetti scene except a little more watery and gross. Especially 'cause when it happens you have no idea what to do with it.

The Flood

Sayuri: Okay i'm sure that Africa is suffering water issues but your partner is not. You do NOT need to choke him/her with your spit flooding in their mouth. They don't want to drink spit okay x.x Come on!

Mimi: I have enough amylase in my mouth, but thank you for sharing yours? Watch the floodgates people, unless you have a bucket ready to spit into after each kiss. Which kinda kills the passion, because people usually spit after doing other things. O.o

The Catch

Sayuri: When people with two braces kiss... funny things tend to happen

Mimi: Funny..awkward things.

'Maaaahhhhm....haaaalp'

The Smelly Fish

Sayuri: Ahem. There is something called breath mints. Sometimes right after a meal, snogging isn't the best idea. I mean, you want your partner to taste the salted sea beam you just ate? Try some gum (with flavour is nice), some sweets or just a mint. Tic tac recommended.

Mimi: I cannot imagine a snog right after someone has eaten blue cheese.

Protip: If you just ate something that smells like something that recently died, your partner will not like it.

Unless he/she likes blue cheese, then I have nothing to say.

Left unsaid.

Today my friend said,

"I'm going to die from all this work,"

So i said,

"Say hello to satan for me."

and she asked me,

"why do you automatically think i'm going down to hell?"

And i had no answer.

Why?

Because some things are just better left 


unsaid.

ohai.

i don't do well with introductions. i also don't capitalize my i-s on purpose, because i like writing in lowercase, can?

i am gregarious, capricious, sarcastic, eccentric, adjective, so on so forth.

you may not like me, but that's fine, we're all acquired tastes and you're not to blame if you find me the wrong flavor to the metaphorical tastebud.

of course, there's a lot more to me than just an ice queen who'll never give you a straight answer when questioned, but that's for you to discover for yourself..

enjoy your stay. ;p

and then words fail

i draw because talking makes me look up and think and cry.

i draw ink hearts and blooming orchids and girls with angel wings because i want to fly to you but i'm permanently grounded.

the angel has six wings and sad eyes, and she's afraid if she can't fly you'll disappear.

x

there are days where i try to draw but nothing looks right.

where everything looks wrong and a little deformed just like i am, but i don't speak because i'll cry.

my fingers trace words across paper, laughable words you'll think are a joke,

even if each word is a little piece of me written in black ink.

Maybe.

One day the rain will stop

The grey skies will give way into clear blue skies

The sun will divide the clouds and shine down

in a glittery golden spotlight

One day the pain will stop,
The blackened heart will start beating once more
Love will worm it's way between me and fill up my entire body

in a warmth not unlike your embrace.

One day I'll hold your hand
We will walk together, free from all critical eyes and critical words

We'll smile.
We'll kiss.

One day you'll find me, whoever you are.

Maybe.

subtlety

she says,

it might be what you hope it is.

what i hope it is.

that little tinge of what could be,
falling asleep in each other's arms,

a cool breeze slipping through our hair,

through our locked fingers as we walked,

no aim..just each other's company.

a little more,

our lips brushing

as the rain

falls

and i hold your warm hands.

maybe,

if you care to dig a little deeper.

because i need you to find me.

An introduction

I used to find it weird, how you have to open up your thoughts. It's funny really, I used to be this person who was so full of herself, top of the world and had everything she could have ever wanted.

The truth?

I was such a fake. A person wearing so many different masks. Like an onion, with so many layers of myself. I was afraid of being hurt.  I'd constantly look into the mirror and not even recognize the girl looking back out at me.

I was a stranger, even to myself.

I didn't know who I was. I didn't know anything. Until I met them. Until i met the people who managed to peel back every layer, though crying from each layer revealed. Until I met the people who managed to take away my walls of defense, my masks, my protective layers to reveal the vulnerable me inside. Until I met the people who taught me to be my true self.

Until I met my best friends.

So i learnt how to open up myself. How to not be afraid to say how you truly feel and the funny thing is, I actually enjoy doing it. I enjoy letting people get a glimpse into my mind. If you can read my writings and still stay being my friend... well then....

Hi, it's nice to meet you too :)

Je t'aime

I
love
you.

I don't know why. I just do. Honestly, I should hate it. I should hate the way you are so demanding, so narcissistic, so proud, so greedy, so flirtatious, so moody, so cruel...
but that means I should also hate the way you make me feel so safe and warm, the way you make it seem like nothing is wrong and everything is going to be alright. I hate the way you make me laugh when I feel like crying, the way you manage to make me fall asleep with your words of goodnight ringing in my head, the way you can stop making me mad at you so easily, the way you make me feel so happy.
I should hate the way you are able to make me melt with your simple words, the way you can make me dazed with your songs, the way you make me want to smile when you smile, the way your infectious laughter pierces me so easily.

I should hate it.
and I do hate it.

I hate that I love you.
and that's a secret I'll never tell you.