I don't dare to say it.

I'm drowning in a world without air

I'm blinded in a world without light

I'm hoarse in a world without music

I'm lost in a world without you

***

What can I do about this hopeless love?

We live in a cruel world where society loves nothing better than to pull us apart, because we are different.

Maybe I'm being delusional.

It's not love.

.

.

.

is it?

It's strange to think that me, a person who's usually so strong. A person who never lets anyone into her heart, is so affected by a single person. I built walls around my heart to protect myself from hurt and from falling in love. 

No one was able to break my walls.

No one was able to even look in.

But you walked into my life and the walls started cracking. And the closer I got to you, the more it cracked.

It's still standing. The walls are still there. But they are weak, trembling, almost broken and..

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid for us. There are times when I think about that it would have been like if I had never met you. If I didn't fall for you. Would I have been stronger? Would I have never been so weak and helpless like I am now? Would I have kept my cold, calculating and arrogant side?

I'm wondering.

Would your life be easier if I was never a part of it? Then you wouldn't have to deal with all the problems that I come with because of my family, my friends, my background, people who keep thinking that they matter, talk like they matter. Would your life be better off without me? Would it be better if I wasn't around?

I'm not regretting.

But I don't regret ever meeting you.

Even after all the fights, all the tears, all the sorrow,

it's worth it because the happiness that comes along with it means the world to me.

I'm hoping.

I hope that this will mean something. All the memories created, times shared, words said...

I don't want it to end. I want it to be something more.

I wish that we could stop hiding int he shadows and come out into the light... hand in hand.

I'm waiting.

But we have time... we have years ahead and I'm looking forward to spending them with you.

In simplicity.

It's like I'm fighting against the whole world. My own parents, my friends, the people out there, the people who act like they care, my own family... I'm fighting against them all. I have to be strong and cold all the time or else i'll get used and get hurt.

But it's tiring.. to keep being strong.

To keep having to be strong and cold..

And when I'm with you...

I can just let my defenses down...

because with you I'm safe.

Because I know you'll never hurt me intentionally...

that you'll protect me and that..

that is what keeps me fighting on.

So is it love?

... it could be.